Hey there!
First of all, I promised you a slew of blog posts for support and encouragement and I didn’t deliver. I apologize. What I’m doing about it now is not beating myself up for being human and moving forward.
We started online school this week and it has been an exercise in feeling…everything! We’ve had beautiful times with kids helping each other and watching them have their light bulb moments. And we’ve had meltdowns on the floor and refusal to do any. thing. else.
How’s it going for you?
I just wanted to offer a few tips today to help you through this school year, whatever it looks like for you!
- Look for the good.
- Relationships FIRST!
- Future perspective.
Look for the good. It seems simplistic. It kind of is. But what you’re looking for in your life is a BIG DEAL! The truth is that life is 50/50 for everyone. 50% all of the great things and 50% not so great. It can SEEM like more than half positive or negative based on our FOCUS. I have a colleague who goes on a walk everyday. As she walks away from her house she notices all of the imperfections. The cracks in the sidewalks, fallen branches, dead flowers, litter…it’s always easy to find. But then she turns around and walks the SAME ROUTE home and looks for the beautiful. The sunlight streaming through the clouds, the chirping of the birds, the breeze…
Same walk, different perspective. As you walk through this school year and your life, remember that your focus matters. It can take your {actual} 50/50 and make it feel like 90/10, or 20/80. YOUR CHOICE!
Relationships first. Whenever moms come to me saying that their child/teen refuses to do their work or is constantly having meltdowns and they’re just TIRED, this is always my advice…put your relationship with your child first. Nagging, bribing, yelling and stressing are always options if you decide to use them. But man, I hate how all of those feel! Now, I let my kids own their work and their experience and I just focus on love.
What does that look like?
For me right now, it looks like…
letting my kids have a hard time and remembering that I can show love and support but it’s not my job to make them feel better.
letting them choose not to do their work *gulp* and accepting the consequences of that. It’s also not my job to force my kids to do things. Even things that I think are good or important. This is an opportunity for the consequence to be enforced externally (as in, not by me) and I’m all over that! I’m not nagging or giving the zero? WIN!
praising and connecting. As I’m noticing all of the good, the next natural step is to say it out loud! I’m working on seeing and saying all of the great things in our lives, especially things about my kids. I’m also working on connecting with them. I’m giving positive touch-whatever they’ll allow! Some of my kids are happy to be part of an 8 second hug, others will allow a back scratch and one will only let me blow her a kiss from several feet away right now. I’m spending time doing things they like-mostly that means watching a YouTube video with them, but sometimes it means a card game, a walk, jumping on the trampoline, or something else.
My last tip is future perspective. This is a trick I pull out when I’m having a hard time letting go of control. I imagine myself and my 40 year old child are having a conversation. We reminisce and acknowledge that 2020-2021 was a tough school year and then he/she says, “Yeah, but repeating X grade turned out to be the best thing that could have happened for me. And when I remember that year, I mostly remember feeling accepted and doing things with you.”
I don’t know if that’s how it will turn out in the future, but what if it’s true? I ONLY get to decide who I am and what I do, so that’s where I’m choosing to keep my focus. How do I want to show up regardless of how my kids show up? I want to be the kind of mom that notices all of the amazing things in my kids and my life. And I want to connect with my kids through shared experiences. I don’t get to decide what they do, but no matter what the rest of this year looks like, I know who I’m going to be!
If you want some help figuring out what kind of mom you want to be, or finding the future perspective that helps you in the tough moments, I’m here for you! Shoot me an email and I’d love to help!
xo,
Kelly
kellypcoaching.com 